She pushes me till I’m teetering on the brink of my sanity. She shoves, complains, shouts and criticizes until I can take no more. I’m rude and insulting to this woman even when i do not wish to be, even when she is one of the most important people to me. Then the thought crosses my mind this is not how I remember her to be countless memories scream out, “This woman was happy, this woman made people happy.” Today I will not brush this thought away like I normally do, today I wonder what changed, why did she get this way?
Now when I look beyond the screaming and the shouting I see pain, frustration and doubt. “What happened?” I ask her, “Who did this to you?” woefully all I received were mere taunts. One unsuccessful attempt and we lapse back into the same old vicious cycle. No matter what I do or hope to do nothing seems to help. Do I turn the other cheek and continue like nothing is amiss? That this person she has become is a misfit in my world, in her own world?
I do not know what wounds her this way but I do know that if someone had noticed her change earlier it would have been easier to fix her. Our relationship has deteriorated but I know our bond is strong. Someday I will know how it is that I have to fix her. Someday she will be like she used to be. She wouldn’t float through the day aloof and broken anymore. Someday she will be strong enough to fix me.